I thought, “Well, that’s wives for you, the children will remember.”

The children came in to breakfast and didn’t say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, “Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday.” And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.”

I said, “By George, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?”

I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.”

After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.”

“Sure,” I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday…

And there I sat . . . on the couch . . . naked.

The reduction — aimed in part at wresting further concessions from the city’s labor unions — would be on top of 1,000 job cuts already in the works.

The council vote comes a day after Moody’s Investment Services, one of the nation’s top financial credit rating agencies, issued a negative outlook for Los Angeles because of the city’s struggles to close a $212-million deficit. It also comes a week after Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa had sought an additional 1,200 to 2,000 job cuts — or wage reductions for city workers.

The council’s 9-3 decision came after members met in closed session for several hours with City Administrative Officer Miguel Santana, who warned that tax revenue has continued to deteriorate. Unless the city finds more revenue or cuts costs, the budget shortfall is expected to increase to $485 million in 2010-11.

Under the measure approved by the council, police officers and firefighters would not be exempt from possible job cuts. Council President Eric Garcetti noted that for a number of council members, continuing to hire officers while laying off other city workers was “a big pill to swallow.”

After the vote, the mayor’s chief of staff, Jeff Carr, praised the council’s swift action but said Villaraigosa would oppose any effort to cut police officers or allow deeper cuts among firefighters. The two agencies account for roughly 70% of the city’s discretionary budget.

Councilman Greig Smith said any proposed cuts of police or fire would be carefully scrutinized. He urged members to take quick action on the job cuts, saying Los Angeles cannot afford the financial paralysis that has consumed state government, which has battled deficits for years.

“You can sit here all you want and pontificate and argue and say we should not be doing any of this, but the longer you delay . . . the more people you’re going to lay off,” Smith said. “You can’t walk away from this by just saying it’s going to fix itself. That’s the thinking Sacramento had.”

The council’s motion faced strong objections from several members, including Richard Alarcon, Paul Koretz and Paul Krekorian. Koretz said the 4,000 number had been “plucked out of the air” with no analysis.

“I’m still in shock,” said Koretz, who pointed out that the proposed layoffs, when combined with early retirements approved in September, would cause 6,400 employees to leave city government in a single year.

Garcetti said cutting 4,000 positions would generate $260 million next fiscal year, but he emphasized that the council’s action did not mean that 4,000 people would be laid off.

“We will by the actions today have an insurance policy that if nothing else does come through, we have that in place to maintain our fiscal strength,” Garcetti said.

He added, however, that proposals to raise revenue by auctioning off city assets, such as parking garages, by themselves would not close the deficit or address the city’s long-term fiscal health.

The mayor’s chief of staff said Villaraigosa has for two weeks been urging the council to take decisive action, saying job cuts have to be approved quickly to reap any substantial savings in the next fiscal year. The city has no choice but to cut payroll, which accounts for roughly 80% of the general fund budget, either by layoffs or through pay cuts among city workers, Carr said.

Victor Gordo, an attorney for the Coalitions of L.A. City Unions, said his organization’s 22,000 members already have made substantial concessions, including paying more for their pension and healthcare benefits and, for some, taking early retirement. Gordo said the city had yet to provide any study or rationale showing that 4,000 job cuts are necessary.

“There’s no question that this is a real fiscal crisis, but again these are real people, these are real cuts in services,” Gordo said. “We want some real analysis.”

Another group of people like to flash the morality argument, saying that cheaters should not be allowed into the HOF because it teaches kids and other players that it’s okay. While this argument holds a little more salt, it still falls short as a legitimate reason to prevent admittance of these talented baseball players. The number of people who are enshrined in the hall right now who have admitted to willingly cheating and taking drugs to enhance performance is too high. Racists, thugs, boozers, and all kinds of people who had questionable morals are all celebrated in Cooperstown because they could play the game of baseball. I saw one article where a guy wanted to have a “Hall of the Very Good and Moral,” where all the people who have been cheaters or low-lifes would be forbidden from joining. On top of that, morality would be the primary factor in deciding who gets in, while good play takes a backseat.

If that’s the kind of hall the fans want, then by all means, go to town. Personally, I think the idea is downright ridiculous, not to mention over the top. To its credit, it is one solution to a problem that will continue to plague Major League Baseball for a long time to come, I guess. The major flaw in this line of thinking is the generalized idea of morality. Who decides what’s moral and what isn’t? But that’s a topic for another time.

If the Pete Rose’s and Mark McGwire’s of the world aren’t allowed into the Hall, sooner or later its going to look like a joke. People visiting Cooperstown will start to question its legitimacy when some of the game’s most notable players aren’t present. Hopefully the voters get over themselves and their personal agendas and allow the Hall to represent great play, and not the will of a few aristocrats.

Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.

Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door.

He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. “Name’s Lars…Your neighbor from forty miles away…. Having a party Friday to celebrate the new Millennium…. Thought you’d like to come. About 5…”

“Great,” says Sam, “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”

As Lars is leaving, he stops. “Gotta warn you… There’s gonna be some drinkin’.”

“Not a problem… after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”

Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.” Sam says, “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”

Once again Lars turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.”

“Now that’s really not a problem,” says Sam. “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?”

Lars stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”

South Florida businesses are likely to be most vulnerable to this audit when personal expenses such as vacation are taken through the business and when employees are misclassified as independent contractors, a local lawyer said.

The IRS plans to audit 6,000 businesses over three years, and use the results to flag non-payment of employment tax going forward. Employers found to violate employment tax laws could be assessed additional taxes, penalties and interest, an IRS spokesman said.

“This is the first focus on employment tax since 1984,” said Kevin Packman, a partner with Holland & Knight law firm in Miami. He said every year the IRS does 60,000 regular audits on business.

The IRS said it hasn’t done such an audit for 25 years. The agency said it will use the information to improve employment tax compliance.

Some employers have misclassified employees as independent contractors, which avoids the withholding of payroll taxes. Independent contractors also don’t generally receive health or other employee benefits.

One red flag for the IRS is when a company changes from filing a W-2 form for an employee to a 1099, which is for an independent contractor.

“It would be wise to have an explanation, such as a change in job responsibilities that could withstand scrutiny,” Packman said.

The federal tax agency also may take a closer look at the small business owner or self-employed individual who takes too little compensation.

“They’re running every expense available through the company: vacations, cell phones, whatever they use in their daily lives,” Packman said. “It comes down to reasonable compensation. A family vacation has nothing to do with business.”

The other extreme is the business owner who takes excessively large compensation to reduce profits and pay less corporate tax.

Business owners can tell whether they’re part of the employment tax audit if they receive a letter from the IRS that says “compliance research examination,” with the number 3850B, Packman said.

That’s the forecast from the White House’s Council of Economic Advisers, which expects American businesses to create an average of 95,000 jobs per month, hardly enough to keep up with the number of people entering the work force and far short of the hiring pace needed to upgrade what has been a jobless recovery.

The Obama administration today sent Congress the annual Economic Report of the President, a document more political than economic in nature. It included plugs for the president’s energy and health care goals, arguments for how much the stimulus measures of 2009 prevented further financial disaster and the White House’s latest reminder to Americans that the roots of the financial crisis and generation-high employment hail from the previous administration.

But most striking at a time when unemployment remains the most intractable U.S. political issue is the group’s acknowledgment that the situation won’t get much better before the midterm elections in the fall.

Gross domestic product, the total production of U.S. goods and services, is expected to expand by 3 percent when adjusted for inflation. That’s just slightly stronger than its estimated sustainable rate of growth with the current number of employed workers and thus not enough to substantially reduce unemployment. And the council notes that as some so-called discouraged workers — people not counted in the employment tally because they gave up looking for work — return to the labor force, the unemployment rate could even rise from the current 9.7 percent.

“It will take a prolonged and robust GDP expansion to eliminate the large jobs deficit that has opened up over the course of the recession,” the report says. “Only when the unemployment rate has returned to normal levels and families are once again secure in their jobs, homes, and savings will this terrible recession truly be over.”

The report came the same day as the latest discouraging data on weekly claims for unemployment insurance. The Labor Department said the four-week moving average of jobless claims — a less volatile figure than the weekly number — was at 468,500, down 1,000 from the previous report but still indicative of an ailing labor market. Most economists consider 300,000 weekly jobless claims a rate consistent with steady employment.

News about the nation’s credit markets was equally grim for the employment outlook.

The Congressional Oversight Panel, tasked with overseeing the Treasury’s Troubled Asset Relief Program, said losses on commercial real estate loans pose a potentially crippling effect on about 3,000 community banks that are a key source of funding for small businesses — and a key source of hope for the Obama administration’s economic planners.

Real-estate loans for retailers, manufacturers, hotels, white-collar offices and apartment managers totaling about $1.4 trillion require refinancing from next year through 2014, but nearly half of those loans are “underwater,” with the outstanding loan now worth more than the actual property, the panel said.

“A significant wave of commercial mortgage defaults would trigger economic damage that could touch the lives of nearly every American,” the panel said. The large-scale failure of commercial properties can in turn lead to the failure of banks. “Because community banks play a critical role in financing the small businesses that could help the American economy create new jobs, their widespread failure could disrupt local communities, undermine the economic recovery and extend an already painful recession.”

The White House report includes the administration’s now-familiar prescription for creating jobs, including government backing for community-bank loans for small businesses that hire. It would also push for tax incentives for companies that increase their payrolls, more help for the long-term unemployed, more funds to build roads, bridges and other infrastructure, and one of President Barack Obama’s long-term priorities, incentives for families to make their homes more energy-efficient.

A bipartisan bill introduced in the Senate today would take similar steps, extending unemployment benefits and some tax breaks while creating a $13 billion payroll tax credit for firms that hire people without jobs.

The White House does expect the employment situation to improve in 2011, predicting an average rate of 190,000 new jobs created each month, and even better progress in 2012. But economic forecasting has been a mug’s game in these tumultuous times, and one of the only certainties about employment for now is that it will be one of the biggest political issues come November.

“Yeah right, you’ve got to be joking with me!” the man says.

“No, that’s the price,” the salesman says, “Do you want to buy them or not?”

“Yeah, I’ll take them,” the man says. The man continues to look around and he sees a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. “How much?” he asks.

“Five dollars for the system, including installation” the sales guy says.

“Is it stolen?” the guy asks incredulously.

“No,” says the salesman, “It’s brand new, do you want it or not?”

“Sure,” the guy says. He looks around some more. Next he finds a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. “How much?” he asks.

“Five dollars,” the salesman says.

“I’ll take that too!” the man says.

As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asks him, “Why are your prices so cheap?”

The salesman says, “Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife, and what he’s doing to her…I’m doing to his business!”

This show joins the ranks of reality television from The Biggest Loser to Extreme Makeover Home Edition that truly benefit the stars and makes the viewer feel happy and hopeful. While watching a suit fumbling around in garbage for an hour would presumably be highly amusing, what draws your attention is O’Donnell’s steadfast desire to better understand at least a handful of Waste Management’s 45,000+ employees. Between discovering inspiration from the jolliest porta potty cleaner in the world and promoting an overworked office secretary to a manager, O’Donnell makes a genuine attempt to make immediate improvements to the company’s operations.

If anything, this show will highlight the fact that every boss or corporate bigwig should have a hands on idea of the company operations and how their policy implementations affect all levels. O’Donnell helped a trash collector on her route and got a shock when he realized she had to pee in a coffee tin to meet the company’s efficiency criteria. He took a real interest in his frontline workers, enough to get his hands quite dirty (if only for a week), which one can imagine is not something that happens too often, camera crews or not. Hopefully the future bosses of Undercover Boss will have the same humble nature and drive to improve things for their workers as O’Donnell.

Perhaps the show will inspire other execs to be more aware of how their penny pinching ideas will impact their frontline workers. In any case, the next time you get a new employee in your workplace, it’s always good to remember to be nice whether or not they might be a secret CEO!

Many will be looking forward to the next episode of Undercover Boss where Coby G. Brooks, Hooters President and CEO, goes undercover and sees a manager forcing waitresses to compete in hands-free eating contests for time off. From the commercials, all you can hope is that the pig gets fired, but until then…Coby G. Brooks, you have some big shoes to fill!

For the singles ready to mingle…or not…

- Get out some wine and board games and have a Scrabble-icious night with friends! The classic game of Sorry is also tons of fun and doesn’t necessitate a lot of strategizing when the wine sinks in

- Rent a gory/scary movie involving no gushy scenes and gorge on popcorn…whatever you do avoid a romcom. For that day, The Notebook, The Time Traveller’s Wife, and P.S. I Love You are NOT your friend!

- Ignore all the red, pink, and white! Sleep in, have a late lunch, and revel in the long weekend! Go President’s Day!

For spending time with your special someone…

- Instead of going out for a romantic dinner, go for a romantic brunch! Enjoy the lazy morning and spend less than you would on a lunch or a dinner.

- Pack a couple sandwiches and snacks (bring your pup if you have one!) and go on a hike! Surrounded by nature in a bit of a secluded spot can be more romantic than any 5-star restaurant! Just be sure to wear the right shoes!

- Cook dinner together! This one is way underrated. Look up recipes together and then venture to the grocery store hand in hand to grab all the essential ingredients. You can even make a ton so you have leftovers.

If your love is afar…

- Flowers are nice, but everyone underestimates a well written card Get over to a Walgreens and start hunting! There are 3D cards, hilarious cards, cards that hit on your inside jokes, and everything in between! Buy a bunch that you think he or she will love and send them all while stamps are still less than 50 cents! Have a theme, or have them open them on different days, be creative!

- If you can manage to find the words and don’t need the lovely assistance of Hallmark, pen an old fashioned letter. No notebook paper nonsense, at least use blank printer paper, or even a colored paper. Do some doodles, write a poem, or just say hi! Snail mail is uncommon these days and it is nice to get something your love spent a while handwriting just for you.

- Skype for the day! If both of you have Skype then it is completely free! Spend the Sunday virtually together with no cell phone or work or other distractions or interruptions. Even chat about what you will do next Valentine’s Day when the two of you get to be together

Valentine’s Day is about spending time with those you love whether it’s friends or sig others. It’s just like any other holiday! Have a blast this weekend and relax! And start getting excited for the 4 day week!

On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by *Q-TIPS. Be very sure that you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.

Open the package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that “every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tips is PERSONALLY tested.”

Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, ” I am so glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tips Company.”

(Please note: To the best of our knowledge, this is only a fictitious joke.)