‘Jobless Jokes’ Archives
Why I Fired My Secretary. . .
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning. Anyway, I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. But she didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will [...]
Alaskan Retirement
Sam had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his [...]
Screwed
A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer but there is no price listed on them. He asks a salesman who says, "Five dollars for both of them." "Yeah right, you've got to be joking with me!" the man says. "No, that's the price," the salesman says, "Do you want to buy them or not?" "Yeah, I'll take them," [...]
Stress Relief
Last week I went to a seminar called Stress and Disease by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology. He gave an example of a coping skill for job stress, which I would like to share with you. When you have had one of those "TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT" days, try this. On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section [...]
Smart Play
The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The Boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Debbie, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here ?" Debbie simply smiled, lit up a [...]
Top 11 Reasons to Go to Work Naked
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!" 2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources. 4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." 5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. [...]
Surprise, Surprise
Deciding to surprise her husband for lunch, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
Work Place Fashion
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an [...]
The Suit
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" [...]
Cleaning House
Carter goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife says she needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "Hmmm. Well, we're short-handed tomorrow, Carter" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," [...]
